Today I had no contact from Josh. The kids and I are just following our normal routine, but it’s pretty hard for me. I am starting to feel pretty severely depressed and I hate that! I’d really like just one day when I can stay in my pajamas, lock myself in my room, and just let it out. Nap, cry, watch TV, read, eat junk food… I could really use a dose of wallowing in self pity. Unfortunately, I am very rarely ever alone and the times when I am are usually closely followed by having to venture out into public to pick up a child.
Josh’s dad texted me today to tell me that Josh was at his house and appeared to have been sleeping all day. He said Josh didn’t smell like booze, but that he seemed out of it. I am starting to wonder if this is just a repeat of last year, when he admitted that he’d had no intention of getting sober, had just gone through the motions with rehab to get us off of his back. If he did that again, let his dad spend thousands of dollars AGAIN… I just can’t even think about it, because that’s so awful and selfish.
So, we continue to sit in our holding pattern, waiting to see what happens. It’s out of my control, so it’s all I can do. I just need to make the decisions that keep my kids safe and hopefully happiest (in the long run). It’s so hard!